Ugandan Axioms for the Savvy Traveler

After having completed my 15th month-long trip to Uganda, I feel somewhat 'qualified' to offer some advice for those contemplating a trip to The Pearl of Africa, Uganda. 

These axioms are based on my observations and experiences and are neither true nor false; they simply are impressions. 

1) Most 'things' in Uganda are broken, to some extent. This spans from the failed toilet paper dispenser in your motel room to their political system. If you are a perfectionist, then  I do not recommend a trip to Uganda, because most things/processes/food/water/everything is broken to some extent. Even though you have a TV in your room, it may or may not work. The same is true for your hot water, the power infrastructure and even the TV networks, which tend to disappear randomly whilst watching one of the three stations. 

Solution: Roll with it. Bring a utility bag that includes (but not limited to), duct tape, cordage, duct tape, small crescent wrench, needle nose pliers, bailing wire, electrical tape, more duct tape, velcro strips, many light-dawning appliances, soap, wet wipes and a good multi-tool. If you roll with it, you won't be pissed when you wake up in the morning only to find that your tablet failed to charge (probably due to a power failure). You'll not get upset when your first cup of morning coffee truly was not 'instant,' but rather a grizzly cup of 'cowboy coffee,' grounds and all. On my last trip, this very thing happened. We were in the bush and staying at a Catholic Compound. They ran out of instant coffee so they simply replaced it with regular drip grind coffee. Well, this will work, but it takes some effort. Once I realized that 1/2 of my cup of Jo was floating, I had to do something to fix it. Solution? Filter through bandanna. Problem solved.  

The best way around the massively inadequate power supply grid is to power via solar for short bursts and massive charger banks for longer extended times away. The charger bank I invented is one Ugandan power strip with 5 Ugandan plugs converted to 110V system. That leaves me with 5 plugs to suckle the most power when the power is on. I always have charged for reserve at least 8 hours of tablet time, which usually is enough. The type of power supplies/chargers will vary based upon how much one wishes to spend. My unit cost maybe $50 and is worth every penny. 

2) Always, always, and always have a solar charger that will support your needs. Goal-Zero is my choice and it's a rugged and reliable power supply that has made almost all of my 15 trips, still going strong. 

3) When in the bush and staying at some compound that has 'showers,' take your shower no later than 4PM each day. Never shower in the morning. The half-life of your Ugandan shower, even in the metro areas, is about 2 hours, tops. By noon, each day, you will be reduced to sweat and red dust. Kampala is no exception. That should settle it enough to prevent a wasted morning-freezing-cold shower, but should you need more convincing, by taking a bush shower no later than 4PM means that the water in the tank has been sitting in the sun for a day, where it reaches a few degrees less freezing than earlier in the day. Taking afternoon showers is the best way to relax at night and sleep nicely. 

4) You can spot a tourist a mile away; they are the ones that are acting like they've never been on the equator and typically wear shorts. I rarely wear shorts and I've yet to see a non-soccer player dawn a pair in Uganda. Given that you will be 'coated' by noon, shorts exacerbate this coating process. 

5) Uganda is a country about relationships. That's probably why I love Uganda. Expect to develop relationships that will change your way of thinking, make you appreciate how blessed you are and turning your world topsy turvy. You will never be the same. While we've had the opportunity to travel with many people, they all come back with a keen new perspective and a feeling that hope is not a four-letter word. 

6) There's a reason why there are not 'that many' Ugandan restaurants. While at the western-style lodges, you can get a decent hamburger and wonderful seafood, I usually become a vegetarian-sneek-a-piece-of-jerky eater. On extended stays at the compound, I pack my own food as if I were on a week long back-packing trek, save having to worry over water (it's easy to buy). In the mornings, it's purely a caloric exercise to maximize; 2  boiled egg whites, 2 slabs of butter on bread with coffee and sugar. Again, unless you love starchy and smokey flavored white rice, then pack it in. 

Lest it be thought that this list is complete or that I hate Uganda, allow me to clarify. 

This list will never be complete, just like in Africa, it's partially done in places. And do you truly think that we would have shelled out 31 trips to this place if we didn't love it? Like on trip 4, we might have considered why we're making this grizzly trip 2 times/year? 

Nothing is quite that simple. Uganda included. I may appear to be muzungo, but also have tattooed what they call me in Uganda. MZEE. We don't even have a word that is akin to this one. It means to be a respected elder. That said, it's 4PM and I need to shower.